New Mananger of the Royals...Me

--Before I begin explaining why I should be the manager of the Kansas City Royals, let's first discuss just how bad they are.

• Their record stands at a paltry 10-32; already 19 games back of the division-leading Tigers and 8 games back of fourth place Minnesota who isn't exactly playing well either at 19-25.
• They have had two 10+ game losing streaks within the first 50 games of the season, becoming only the second team in Major League History to do so.
• They have scored only 154 runs while giving up 259.  That ranks them dead last in both runs scored per game and runs allowed per game.
• Their starting rotation is 3-23 and averaging under five innings pitched per start
• The Royals rank third to last in MLB in average attendance per game at 19,002 (almost 30,000 less than the Yankees draw per game)

Reasons why they SHOULD hire me as manager:

1. Publicity: no one goes to their games and no one cares.  If they were to hire a 20 year old to manage the ball club that would be a huge media story and would bring fans out to the ballpark.
2. Money: with more fans at the game, more money is brought in.  The massive media attention and greater attendance makes the owner more money and that's what they want.  They could also choose to actually spend the money and improve their ball club, which in turn will make them even more money.  Not to mention I would ask for substantially less money than current manager Buddy Bell, hence saving even more dollars for owner David Glass.
3. I have Experience:  Last season I coached a 13 year old little league team in my hometown and I led them to the championship game.  After that, I took the 13 year old traveling all star team and coached them to a win in districts and a berth in the state championship. That marked the first time in 10 years the 13 year old team made the state tournament.  This season I am coaching the 18 year old Sr. Babe team which i played for just two years ago.
4. What do they have to lose?:  This team is 10-32.  They really can't get much worse.  They will finish in last place this season no matter what.  Why not make some more money while doing it?  It's a win-win situation.  Let's say the team continues to struggle as I coach.  So what?  The team will save a lot of money on my contract and they will increase their revenue and attendance substantially.  And there also is a good chance that we increase that horrible winning percentage they currently have.  If they don't like how I did then they can replace me at the end of the season with a veteran "free agent" manager.
5. I know what it takes to win:  I played on a lot of winning teams.  My junior year in high school my team (Marlborough High) made it to the Division 1 State Championship Game (Massachusetts) against Malden Catholic High School.  We lost the game 3-0.  Had we tied the game in the ninth inning (we had bases loaded no outs) I was going to come into the game in the 10th.  The game was supposed to be played at Fenway Park but the Red Sox had a game that day. 
6. Passion:  My love for the game of baseball is what keeps me alive.  The game is all I ever think about and I know the x's and the o's of the game.  I would be an aggressive manager a la Ozzie Guillen, setting the runners in motion and making things happen.  I would be tough on my players but also really encouraging

--It sounds silly, but really, what do they have to lose?  Give me a shot Kansas City.